[Phrase generator 0.2]Mentre dico: "Fefe..fe..fe..faffa", nei migliori bar di Caracas, mi immagino a praticare rituali occulti tramite un condone.

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Ho scoperto il 98% dei bug di questo sito

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Si vis Pacem,Parabellum

"Signore, signore presto, guardi!". Il detective Frank Gnugna finì con calma di fare colazione, si accese una sigaretta e si mise a leggere le notizie sportive.
"Signore, la prego". I Pretzel City Fuckers avevano perso di nuovo e il coach Jerry Blind era stato esonerato. Frank posò il giornale e si accese un'altra sigaretta.
"Capo?!". Se c'era una cosa che Frank odiava era essere interrotto durante il rito quotidiano della colazione: era l'unico momento che aveva per se stesso in tutta la giornata e non aveva mai permesso a nessuno di interromperlo, mai. Estrasse la sua calibro 45 e alzò il cane, poi ci ripensò, rinfoderò l'arma e continuò ad alzare il cane, fin sopra la testa. Con una violenza inaudita scagliò il povero animale giù dal parappetto e si mise ad osservare le evoluzioni della bestiola nel vuoto.
Quando i guaiti del cane si spensero nell'eco della valle, si voltò di scatto imprecando "Fottuto Cristo, ora chi la sente mia moglie! Ringrazia quel cane Junior, si è sacrificato al posto tuo!". Frank chiamava tutti i nuovi arrivati Junior.
Per la precisione il Junior in questione era il quinto (in 3 mesi) giovane detective promettente che li veniva affiancato perchè ne divenisse il mentore; gli altri 4 erano tutti deceduti nell'adempimento del proprio dovere e Frank iniziava ad averne le palle piene del marcio di quella città.
Servire e proteggere non era affare per stomaci deboli a Pretzel City.
Si accese un'altra sigaretta e zoppicando sulla sua protesi raggiunse il giovane assistente sulla scena del delitto. John Biro (così si chiamava Junior 5) era negro: dopo la precoce dipartita dei 4 Junior precedenti, il dipartimento aveva deciso di sacrificare il sacrificabile, affiancando a Gnugna solo agenti di colore.
In rigoroso silenzio Biro indicò a Gnugna ciò che lo aveva indotto ad infrangere la "regola numero uno di Frank": il cadavere (Bianco caucasico, un metro e 60 circa di statura, una novantina abbondante di chili di peso), completamete nudo, oltre ad essere stato interamente privato di capelli, peli ed unghie, non presentava niente di strano. "E allora?"disse Frank.
Biro timidamente si costrinse a parlare "L'ano, signore".
"L'ano??" " Sì, l'ano signore".
Frank guardò allora con più attenzione. L'ano della vittima era ricoperto da almeno 4 strati ripiegati di massa grassa; tornò all'auto, spense ciò che rimaneva delle tre sigarette sotto la scarpa, aprì la propria valigetta ed estrasse il divaricatore di ordinanza.
Si piegò di nuovo sul corpo e tenendo fermo il gluteo destro della vittima con la sua protesi, applicò il divaricatore. Indossò i guanti e si accinse ad esplorarne il retto. Subito urtò qualcosa di duro e nero; armeggiando con un pò di fatica estrasse l'oggetto dal cadavere.
Esterrefatto si ritrovò tra le mani una vecchia Luger P08, sul fianco dell'arma, perfettamente leggibile, la scritta: Si vis pacem, parabellum.

Frankie Emorroidi, 2009-06-15
Raccolta: Detective Gnugna
Tags: Gnugna,Cheratinomane,Biro,divaricatore
Indice di gradimento: 4.66 su 3 voti



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2015-07-10: Laetitia

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2015-07-05: Laetitia

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2014-11-16: Canada Goose

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2009-06-16: Frankie Emorroidi

Sono fottutamente commosso

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Non posso non dire che la mia fottutissima fiducia e` stata fottutamente ripagata.
Questo e lo spirito giusto, fottuto Cristo!

2009-06-16: Tanz-ex-scetticus

Porcozzio di dio! Mi aspettava un qualcosa soltanto migliore di albertazzi quindi un po' una merda...invece....attendo il continuo come andreotti attende la morte!

2009-06-15: Frankie Emorroidi

Una piccola anteprima! Colgo l'occasione per ringraziare tutti i colleghi della redazione, in modo particolare il Devastafregne per l'opportunità concessami in un momento storico così difficile e Dio per non esistere..un grazie anche alla Madonna,sporca troia, per essere rimasta sempre se stessa. Vi amo, Golosacci!!!



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